so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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