Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
