Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize