How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
