I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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