he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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