Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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