what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
