i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
