I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
