He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
