I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
