K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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