You just made me feel so damn special
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
