We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
