Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
