Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
