I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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