Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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