they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
