i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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