yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
