he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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