You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
