You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My dick has a subreddit
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
