do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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