She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
