Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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