this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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