Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
