She's JV to your varsity
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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