I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
