those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
