he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
