hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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