his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
