What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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