after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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