She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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