Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
