Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
