Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
