Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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