Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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