Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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