I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
