I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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