No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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