theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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