Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
