does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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