I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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