i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
